One of the biggest problems that small business owners and managers face is the struggle to hold employees accountable for their actions. But when we look closely, is that really the problem? Or is it something else? Something more basic? The answer lies within our own actions.

To understand the issue, let’s draw a parallel and make the assumption that employing people is very similar to raising kids. Stay with me here, I promise this will eventually make sense.

As parents, our ultimate goal is to grow our children into responsible, self-sufficient human beings with an understanding of right and wrong, a strong work ethic, and the ability and desire to treat others fairly and kindly. You can add whatever else fits your beliefs, but let’s face it, if you successfully raised a child to live his or her life guided by those principles, you didn’t do too bad. To accomplish this miracle, we set limits and boundaries, praising them when they succeed and coaching them when they struggle.

Good parents understand their goal is not to be the child’s friend; children will have lots of those, good and bad. Our responsibility is to be their coach and mentor — their parent — to show them the way by setting the example. Being a good parent requires that we hold our kids accountable, making sure they stay within the limits and boundaries we have set while allowing them room to imagine and explore without hurting themselves or others. Good parents have the respect of their children. Their children may not always like them, but they do respect them.

So let’s talk about employees. The job of owners and managers is to find responsible, self-sufficient employees with strong ethics who treat each other and customers fairly and kindly.

A good employer or manager sets limits and boundaries, praising employees when they succeed and coaching them when they falter. They lead by example and hold the employee accountable to established limits and boundaries while also giving them room to create and imagine better ways to do things. Because of all this, good employers and managers have the respect of their employees, knowing they don’t have to be liked, but they do have to be respected. This part is worth repeating — they know they don’t have to be liked, but they do have to be respected.

Developing great employees sounds a lot like raising children, doesn’t it?

Consider the idea of leading by example. The internet is full of articles describing how children learn much more by observing what we do versus what we say. This tells us that perhaps the old adage is right — actions actually do speak louder than words when it comes to raising our kids. Can we logically apply this concept to employees as well? Of course we can.

A manager who demands punctuality from their employees but arrives late to work themselves and is always delayed when starting meetings isn’t much of a role model. Conversely, the manager who demands punctuality from their employees garners their respect when they see that the manager is always the first to arrive at work in the morning and always starts and ends meetings on time. It’s because they can see that the manager’s words are backed up by their actions. This causes a ripple effect that can greatly influence the results of our efforts.

Prior to his death in 2021, Stanford University’s Albert Bandura was frequently described as the world’s greatest living psychologist. Bandura’s Social Learning Theory suggests that people learn from one another, via observation, imitation, and modeling. Assuming Bandura’s theory is correct, couldn’t we substitute “employees” for the word “people”? By doing so, we see that not only are our actions observed, they are imitated and modeled. Again, what we do is much more important than what we say.

Scott Tackett, one of my colleagues at Violand Management, can frequently be heard stating the need to be “firm, fair, and consistent.” In regard to positively influencing the actions of employees, no truer words were ever spoken. Modeling the type of behavior we expect from our employees is a firm, fair, and consistent action. It guarantees that employees imitating and modeling our behavior will be acting in a positive way.

Going back to my original question, is the struggle to hold employees accountable for their actions really one of our biggest problems? It might be. But solving the problem of our own behavior and becoming an employer worthy of our employees’ respect and imitation may naturally eliminate many of those accountability problems without any extra effort on our part. And if accountability problems remain, having that level of respect will make dealing with the problems a lot less complicated.